So, I have these small, itchy bumps all over my hands that I originally thought were warts. But then I started forming itchy bumps all over my feet. And now I also have itchy bumps on one of my elbows.

I think I'm allergic to something at my dad's house. I've never been allergic to anything other than poison ivy before, so I have NO idea what it could be.

I have to be here for another week and a half. This sucks.

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Sometimes I miss having someone to talk and flirt to this late at night. It was nice. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to at 2 in the morning. Too bad everyone that I used to talk to at 2am hates me. *sigh* It's probably for the best, though, blah blah blah whatever.

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So... I'm in therapy at my school. I haven't had a session in 3 weeks because of Spring Break, and I won't have another for a week and a half, but I wish it was tomorrow. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like parts of me are going to break off and I'm going to explode and I'm going to be irreparably damaged and insane. I don't know what's going on. I need Derek here to hold me and keep me together, but sometimes he's part of the problem. Not often. But sometimes. I can't ever tell him this, though, because he's apparently been the cause of a few people seeing a therapist, and if I told him that sometimes he makes me feel crazy, I think it would break his heart. Every time he considers this, I can see the pain in his eyes, thinking he's hurt me in some way.

I'm sorry. I'm rambling. I'm just afraid to go to sleep. I'm terrified I'll have nightmares, and if I do, I'm going to need Derek, but he won't be here. A year and two months. That's all I have left.

I'm going to force myself to go to sleep now, and hope for the best. We'll see. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe we're all crazy. Who knows.

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I think I might need to buy sleeping pills. I've been having difficulties getting to sleep for quite some time now. Not every night, but more often than I would like. I can't figure out what might be causing it; I'm not doing anything different at night. Some nights I can't fall asleep because my mind won't shut off (which is weird because I used to only be able to fall asleep if my mind was thinking about a bunch of different things) and some nights it's because my body is restless/I can't stop moving.

I never have problems falling to sleep when Derek's here, but not being able to sleep because he's not here seems too cheesy to be real.

I hate the idea of taking pills to fall asleep, but if it's the only thing that'll work...

I just want to go to sleep. :(

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I would like this week of hell to be over, please. I just want it to be Tuesday so I can have my night with Derek, even if it is only over the phone.

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I am legitimately worried about myself, and no one is awake to talk to. Even if they were, I wouldn't know what to say. I don't know what to do.

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Whyyyyy do they have to do road work right outside my window on a morning I get to sleep in?

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What else would my roommates do as soon as they got home but have loud sex? -_-

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That moment when you realize you're not sure you have a best friend anymore and you question whether or not you're an interesting person and blah blah blah.

Also that moment when you start to suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you. Wonderful.

As a side note, I kind of think I might be going crazy, and I also think that I have seasonal depression.

Booyah.

EDIT: Yeah, he's not cheating on me. I'm definitely just going crazy. *sits in the corner and rocks back and forth while singing "You Are My Sunshine"* ......

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