I've been dating someone for two months. O_o Weird. In other news, I get my braces off in 17 days! XD

I really don't know who I am anymore, and I have no idea what I want.

Wonderful.

Also: I cried for the first time in over four years today. It was weird.

I'm tired of drama and complaints and negativity. I'm ready to go home and see happy people. Just to see different people in general for awhile, actually.

You know there's a problem when you're afraid to say anything because anything you say could make someone or another angry at any point and time.

The thing that sucks the most is that I know the drama/complaints/negativity is not going to end any time soon. Even if I go home to get away from it for awhile, it's still gonna be here when I get back, and I already know new drama/negativity is going to be formed.

Can't we all just be happy again? Where are my superpowers when I need them?

Despite me doing and thinking horrible, horrible things, I had a lot of fun last night. Way more than I thought I would. Yay for last minute plans x3!

I guess it should have hit me that Allie was no longer one of my best friends a while ago, but for some reason it really didn't hit me until today. I knew that she hated us, and I knew that we probably would never see her again, but today I was imagining what it would be like if she forgave all of us and came to the New Year's Party. A month ago, I think I could actually have imagined this and in my head we could all somehow become good friends again, if we weren't as food of friends as before. But now, after everything she has said and the attacks she has made, after she has been trying to hurt us after all this time, I don't even think I'd be able to give her a hug if she came to the New Year's Party. As soon as I realized that, it finally hit me that I had lost a best friend. I hate this feeling. I hate being hated so much. Even after everything Allie has said and done, I still don't think I can hate her. It just makes me sad.

Change of subject.

I'm excited to go home. I'm extremely excited to see my father (and possibly my brother) when he/they come(s) to pick me up for Thanksgiving Break. I'm also excited for them to possibly meet some of my friends, and maybe Josh. I'm excited to spend time home, at my dad's. I'm excited to see family. I'm extremely excited to see my three best friends and spend time with them.
I don't want to go to my mom's. I don't want to go to that house. It's just as bad as it always has been. I'm going to have to go to my mom's. It's only times like these that I wish I had my own car. I found out Ches has gotten used to staying at my dad's alone during the week, and he's been spending a lot of time there instead of going to my mom's. This makes me feel much better.

Something that has amused me recently: Ches has been texting and calling me every day for the past week. I think he misses me. :P

I miss you guys so much, and can't wait to see you. <333

Tomorrow's Halloween!! I'm pretty excited about that. I'm more excited that tomorrow is my fraternity's PenNWood (costume party), though. That ought to be super fun. Although I still have to finish buying stuff for my costume...

Yesterday was my birthday! The big 19... Woo? This is like the most boring birthday ever. lol. After 18 and before 20/21. Woo, I can now do... everything I could do last year. I did have a decent birthday, though, besides reading that post for the first time yesterday. I was kidnapped at around 8 and 4 of my friends took my to the Trans-Allegheny Insane Asylum. They didn't tell me where we were going til we were already on the way... I was scared to death. lol. But it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Becca got me a chocolate chocolate chip muffin. Josh bought me Confessions on Life, Death, and God. :) I have read the entire thing already. Not that it's that big of a book, but still.

As stated in the subject, I'm bored, so I'm doing yet another one of ( these ).

I found out today that I have more readers than I thought I did.

Time to start making certain posts private. Oops.

Me via text: "Happy Sweetest Day! *hugs and kisses*"
Him: "I'd rather give you a real hug and kiss."
Me: "But I don't want you to get sick!"
Him: "Too bad for me. :)"

Oh my god you are adorable. <3

P.S. Sorry if this is vomit-inducing. :P

Gah. My brain is stupid. Stupid brain. You are not supposed to have a crush on best friends, especially not when both of them may like you back. Bad brain. Bad, bad brain.

Did someone drop me in some sort of tv show? It gets even more complicated than that.

Classes start tomorrow. Woo? I don't know. I'm more... indifferent. That's how I've been all weekend, and I hate it. I think I reverted back to how I was before I went to college a little. I don't like that. Not at all. I wish I could redo the weekend. Or, parts of it. It had its moments.

One good thing about tomorrow: I'll get to see a lot of people I haven't yet when they come to the office. I'll be in the office most of the day. lol. I think I might get Office Rat this semester. I hope I get Most Brotherly again. I love that one.

Um... I thought I had more to say, but apparently I don't.

P.S. I hope you enjoyed my Lee Pace icon.